if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
