I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
