Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
