I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A bitchslap is in order.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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