can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
