I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
