i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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