I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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