My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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