So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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