hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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