so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
