I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
