Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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