Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
