at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
