and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
