Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
