So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
