Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
