and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
