i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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