her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
