Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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