She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
