dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?