I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.