I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.