If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position