One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
