Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
