bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Less talking, more tequila
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
