Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize