why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
