I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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