Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
