We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
