Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
