She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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