party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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