Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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