I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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