Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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