I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
