It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
