So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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