Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
