PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
