I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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