My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
