During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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