Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
