She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
should my penis look like a turkey
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
