you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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