just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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