capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
