i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
two words: eviction party
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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