I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
