Whod you bang
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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