She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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