Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize