You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
