you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
