I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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