this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
