it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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