why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
