Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
