Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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