If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
