I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
