sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
