So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
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Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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