I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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