do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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