I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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