take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
